I love the city. I also love traveling via mass transit since selling my car almost exactly a year ago.

Here’s what I saw on the Metro tonight, 12am after a Nats/Orioles game:

• Young college co-eds just heading out in chinatown at 12am with about 100 cubic centimeters of fabric between each of them and a wild world. Good luck girls. Cute, but not so bright. I’m sure you’ll have more fun tonight than most humans will experience in their lives….or experience a nightmare.
• Mother/Son duo, 62/46 respectively. They rode together all the way to the end of the green line. At no point does either look at each other. They just swap obligatory statements about their lives and small facts about mutual acquaintances. The son has the look of a dentist or a psychologist, defined by sinew and the sharp frames of his glasses. She has a general apathy for life and can’t be bothered to muster an ounce of interest for her son or the rest of the world. Halfway through he says “So our stop is East Fall Church” at which point my friend and I look immediately into each others’ incredulous eyes (they were about 40 minutes off course). Luckily, they’re driving from Greenbelt to some intermediary location (phew). Both clad in Orioles gear.
• Lonely Baltimore woman who never found love. She’s a warm person who is slightly uneasy with the world around her. What separates her most is unsure: her thick gold-rimmed glasses, the red rash running up the right side of her face, or the Orioles baseball cap pulled tightly over a black ponytail. She is joined by an equally lonely married Baltimorean with an odd scandinavian charm about her broad features. Her husband did not join her for this trip to see her beloved Orioles, just like the several times before. His absence is a sign of his disinterest, oversees deployment, or recent departure. In all cases she’s left making conversation and friends with her Orioles compatriot and the good-spirited loser from across the car aisle, a local woman who is also riding the train home alone.
• The early-20s pudgy couple standing near the car doors. He holds the bar above head while she grabs a nearby pole and hugs his side.
• Sleeping giants from the Maryland suburbs. Their long night at the ballpark to see their beloved Orioles has left them drained of their Saturday night energy. It feels good to be tired on the ride home, but they wonder where all the energy of their youth could have gone. They’ll study their sleeping children later tonight for those answers. For now, a tipped head and folded arms feels as close to the duvet-covered night wrappings as they could hope for on the rails tonight.
• The two college outsiders who have a fascination with baseball that exceeds the normal tolerance of the fairer sex and a knack for beer-consumption that renders them less then mentally agile. With the pre-gaming, the rounds of beer at the ballpark, and the flask of cheap liquor stowed away in the thin one’s jean shorts they’ve reached the point where good judgement fades into stupid grins and one-upsmanship. The slightly confident one without the hip flask makes banal comments to the mildly attractive girl who sits directly adjacent to him, expecting adoration. He deals with her quiet disinterest by staring at her for inappropriately long periods of time, which is awkwardly amplified by their intense proximity.
• The slightly elder latino woman who arrives quietly at an unusual stop and silently sneaks into a corner seat. She looks safely at the corner of the window beside her, not seeking information or interaction with the world around her. She desperately focuses her years of experience on not being seen and not being bothered.
• The sleepy brunette who parks wearily in the quiet corner of the metro station. The iPhone in her right hand is the only thing keeping her awake.

Every day.

I’ve had 13 roommates in my life; this number is 12 more than a human should have. No, no, no, no. I’m just kidding. In our modern society young people are 3 things: less interested in getting married at 16 (or even 24),  more geographically mobile than any society before, and strapped for cash (big shocker). It makes complete sense that the roommate situation will continue strongly. And I’m, of course, a huge fan of people joining up to save some cash.

However! This relationship is obviously fraught with complexity. Even ignoring the obvious artificial intimacy imposed by close quarters, the sheer time spent in proximity is startling. Assuming 7 hours of sleep and 9 hours at work or school, that still leaves 6 hours of shared time.  Cooking, cleaning, storage, entertainment sharing, shopping….all of these activities. Human beings in such straights will undoubtedly collide in anger.

Of the 13 roommates, it was my4th roommate that was, hands down, my best roommate. He was also the roommate who frustrated the most of the other roommates I had at that time. He was extremely forceful about cleaning schedules, forced tough conversations, and confronted people who were making his experience worse. The result? People learned that some behaviors weren’t appropriate, they learned that they had a right to tell people when they were frustrated with other behaviors, and – I’m positive – became better roommates for all their future roommates. It made the first few weeks difficult, but the months and years after were phenomenal.

Planning to start a new living arrangement? You really must develop a written list of expectations for the relationship. I cannot emphasize this enough. It’s going to be painful the first day, it’s going to take an hour or more (preferably more) to go through this. But I guarantee that you will learn unexpected things about your new domestic colleague that will completely change your expectations. You probably thought everyone put steak knives in the dishwasher point down, but they don’t. There are freaks out there. There are freaks, and they want to live with you.

Here is my list, as adapted for Roommate #4. If you haven’t thought about discussing these with your roommate I plead with you to DO IT NOW. (Another in my oh so unsuccessful Raymond’s Rules Series)

• Money: How do you split the rent FAIRLY? Discuss planned resources, room sizes, utilities, risk associated with on-the-lease status, security deposits, convenience for short term relationships, and community property contributions. How do you split utilities FAIRLY? Based on usage, flat or some wacky item of your own invention. Your call.
• Living Space Resources (TV, game consoles, couches): Does everyone have equal priority for a shared resource? Can you reserve the entertainment room for a special occasion? Can you reserve it to watch your favorite weekly/daily show? What upkeep activities need to be considered(batteries, cleaning, shutting down devices after use)? What happens if something breaks? What about a Netflix account (Gaaah, don’t get me started…my mother and her western movies ) Do you have favorite seats that you’d like to sit in? Silly…maybe?
• Food Etiquette: Set up sharing policies for purchased or prepared meals. Where is food to be eaten or not eaten (in owned homes bedroom eating can become a big deal)? Allergies? What foods can be used (whipped cream, milk, produce)? Can people ask to borrow/take food? Should borrowed food be replaced or reimbursed? (moochers should consider time it takes to shop and plan purchases)
• Storage: Agree on storage locations and put everything in its place with a full review to talk through potential nightmares. (I’m sorter and would like to use lower shelves, why are my spices way in the back? how do we keep track of who’s things are whose?) How much cold storage space (refrigerator/freezer) is allotted per occupant (flexible or rigid)?
• Shopping: What items are shared consumable resources (tissues, cleaning products, food, drinks)?  How do we reimburse for purchases of shared resources? Do we have standards for these purchases? Should consumption of shared resources be limited?
• Guests: How often would each person expect to have guests? How many guest visits are too much? Are overnight guests acceptable? If so where can they stay and how many? How long is acceptable? What sort of advanced notice/agreement is required? What sorts of behaviors are acceptable for guests (consuming foods, showering, assembling pillow forts). Important note: late night drunks, two night family, and 4-week live-in college buddies are not equal!!! Is reimbursement expected for repeat visitors or long term visitors?
• Security: Know how many people have access to the home and what security controls are available. How often/when should doors/windows be locked/closed?
• Cleaning (THE BIG ONE): What is the schedule or expectation for cleaning shared resources? (thousands of ways to skin this cat, floors/counters, rotations, goods exchange, extra rent, etc) How long can dishes stay dirty? (#1! immediate clean / within hours / before meals / every night / 24 hours /  etc…)  What does clean actually look like: for dishes, for sofas, for carpets, for counters?
• Socializing: What types of roommate activities do you expect? Some people want to be best friends, others may want to speak as little as possible. It’s dangerous on either extreme, but knowing what your new colleague is expecting in advance will help you adjust your behavior and vice-versa.*
• Events: Will parties or other in-home events occur? How often is reasonable? How big of a size is acceptable? Does the host agree that any party activities are their responsibility? How long after a party is a “full-recovery” expected for the home expected? How much advanced notice/agreement is required? Are roommates automatically invited? (probably a safe call) Should hosts pay extra for parties on the rent?
• Justice: How do you bring up the inevitable concerns with no fear of anger? How to do resolve conflicts? Do incentives seem like a good idea for breaking rules**?
• General Practice: The more you share with a roommate the more potential exists for conflict, but it doesn’t always force conflict to arise.  You have to remember one fact: if you wanted get your own bit of everything…why not just get your own place? 

Please, please, please heed my advice. I’ll tell you that I have ignored my own advice twice in the past few years. In both cases you could almost predict the outcome like clockwork: in the beginning it was friendly and fun, and in the end people were unsatisfied with no outlet for their frustration. It can be recovered, it’s just much more pain than doing it up front.

Tell me what I missed in the comments!

*An AMAZING idea to inspire bonding is to set aside one day a week/fortnight/month to share a home-cooked, traditional meal. Sit, talk, find out about each other and try to like each other. This worked amazingly in my house of 4 guys. We swapped traditional family meals and talked about backgrounds, it was one of the coolest experiences in my memory of roommate-dom (thanks again to #4).

*This one is really tough, because you’re basically being pessimistic (i.e. realistic) about the relationship. Everyone is going to leave a shoe on the couch or drop some cheese on the floor, but preventing bad habits. There are tons of ways to do this from verbal communication, to rent kick backs for good behavior, to Swear-Jar-style community money for pizza and beer, and even to swapped chores. Everyone is different and some people will think some or all of these ideas are insane and evil. You’ve got to find a method that works for you. Agreeing on a common process means knowing that you don’t have to construct a moral-scaffolding in tense conversation every time you want to justify a request for change. Removing this stigma of these situations opens up more healthy communication.

Today President Obama expressed personal views based on his experiences with homosexual staffers and military personnel struggling for equal rights experienced of their heterosexual counterparts. This news makes me absolutely ecstatic. Whatever the political forcing functions, President Obama has now made one of the strongest statements supporting equal rights for US citizens regardless of sexual orientation. You can choose to be optimistic or pessimistic about what forcing functions those were, but considering the traditional lack of liberal backbone I call this a victory.

A while back I tweeted about the story of the Lovings, a Virginian biracial couple whose extreme struggle for equality bears obvious resemblances to the stories told today for same-sex couples. Tradition-focused authority figures create arbitrary moral standards based solely on personal beliefs. I wish more people could listen to this story and honestly consider our current predicament.

I was startled when a local protester in Annapolis, MD stepped in front of a local field camera calling Maryland’s recent marriage equality provisions the first legislation legalizing the breaking of the family tree. The woman specifically calling out that every child has the right to a father and a mother (spirit of quotes. While I respect the right of this person to speak their mind, I exercise my right to vehemently disagree. When I think about the threats to marriage and the American family I don’t think about two men or two women who love each other enough to spend the rest of their lives working as a team to build a family. It’s my greatest hope that two such teammates choose the most charitable activity of adopting children in desperate need of EITHER a father or a mother, instead getting two loving mothers. I think that’s something worth cheering!

Here’s what completely legal things I do think of that destroy marriages and families: alcohol abuse, extramarital sex, pornography, lying, early/forced marriage as a result of teen pregnancy, overspending and unanticipated financial stressors*. If you want to pick a fight, then pick a fight with any of the above rather than a pair of people who want to visit each other in hospitals or adopt a parentless child, or share financial security of retirement savings. To adapt the words of Ben Kenobi, these are not the fights you’re looking for.

Don’t read past this point. Seriously, I get a little snarky.

*I’d even go so far as to point out that medical costs are an extraordinarily common cause of financial stress. But won’t go so far as to say that nationalized healthcare would be a great way to save marriages. That would be as silly as saying children having gay neighbors will tear my family apart. I will warn you that these will effect homosexual couples as well, possibly supporting the fact that they’re not any different than any other couple. [/trollingparagraphoftruth]

One of my favorite improvs by Bobby. Worth listening to the whole thing. Bobby Mcferrin has been breathing new life into traditional music throughout his life, and his levity is a treasure that I hope we document to the greatest extent possible. In this performance they have great play back and forth, and Bona really does well with Mcferrin’s passion for absurdity.

My favorite section starts at around 8:15 when he seems to go insane (screwing in his microphone to a higher pitch, shouting) and somewhere in the middle of it all it comes out masterfully into the primary melody line with Bona. Mcferrin is magic.

I was editing a photo I took from the lovely tables at the Dupont Farmers Market last weekend, and I had an epiphany. You know how farmer’s market fruits and vegetables look so fresh and bright and big-box store food doesnt’? (Walllmark, Targeted, KMark) Well, it turns out they’re just misapplying Lightroom’s Vibrance selector setting.

You see, farmers’ markets usually don’t edit the vibrance setting.

The result is pretty great.

Big-Box stores are, for some reason….turning the vibrance setting down on all their tomatoes.

And to what end?

Someone needs to spread the news. Just tell them to fix their vibrance setting*.

(*This is a joke, please don’t tell anyone this…but isn’t the resemblance uncanny?)

The first time Dan Rather looked at the audience was to say “…I think I’m a halfway decent storyteller”. It was about five minutes in to the conversation between he and Tom Bettag. He said this with all the sincerity and purpose of a high school cheer captain looking at her team saying “Well, I know I’ve got my problems but I think I’m pretty fun” to which the whole group nods lovingly and with vehement enthusiasm.

Dan Rather at Sixth and I

He said this from a opulently padded tan chair just stage right of a small table with half-filled goblets of water, both sitting in the middle of the Sixth and I Synagogue stage. One glass for him, and one for his comfortably silent conversational partner, Bettag. By comfortably quiet, I mean very quiet for a “conversation”. Most interviewers/partners tend to stretch between 20 and 30% of the airtime at events like this while Bettag may have capped out at 9.5%. There is no complaint in this, but I felt it important to inform you.

The oddest thing was how similar Rather appeared to a slightly weathered politician who never quite got audiences quite right (yes, I’m looking at you Ron Paul). He only ever panned the crowed when he was making an unsupported or emotional claim (talk about a poker tell) or was looking for an anticipated reaction of adoration or humor acceptance. All-in-all, Dan Rather may have intended to seem wise and sharing of his graces with the public, but he came off in a shade altogether different: desperate.

He was desperate to set the record straight regarding his reporting of George W. Bush’s Air Guard duties for which he was falsely accused of leveraging fake documents regarding President Bush’s easy load and blatant abdication of duty, all mere months ahead of the final polls in the 2004 elections. He was desperate to tell the motivators behind his breaking of the Abu Ghraib (??) prison hijinks of American prison authorities, wherein his staff had the original scoop on these absolutely indecent activities and brought it to press much to the chagrin of the administration and the American image.

He was desperate to call out CBS as a news broker who had lost their stomachs and their way amidst the increasingly commercial news world, rejecting in-depth reporting and hard hitting journalism and eventually leveraging perceived mistakes to oust Rather from his position. Lastly, he appeared desperate to validate his latest news activities now moved off broadcast into the cable world which no one, and no one related to no one, has been watching.

These things are all worth saying because they are true. What is also true is that his audience couldn’t be more deserving of his desperation. Most questions were in the form of adulation and nostalgia about times when news was pure and without bias (I remind you that I’m writing to you from DC). Some questions teased out interesting facts, like Mr. Rather’s changed perspective on the world following his reporting on the early civil rights movement and Dr. King. Another begged his recollection of the Kennedy assassination which, aside from a very clinical assessment of personal emotion, amounted to nothing but crackpot-shunning assurances that Lee Harvey Oswald “was a shooter…and he was THE shooter…as in the only shooter.” This was less informing of his personal opinions of the events than of the audience he believes is still avidly looking for cuban cigar rings in the trunk of the Kennedy’s blood-stained car. Television must show you a side of the country that I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid.

Only one form of the aforementioned adulation was meritorious. A young woman got up and discussed Mr. Rather’s appearance on David Letterman after 9/11 in which he became emotional. She was in tears as she thanked him for showing his feelings as it helped her cope with hers following that terrible day, and it helped her to know that others who seemed so professional and calm were experiencing terrible personal struggles as well. The audience applauded her courage, but it should be noted that any warmth to her statement was frozen away as it crashed against Rather’s arctic demeanor.

Another impressive display was found in Dan Rather’s assessment of media’s future was bang on. He calmed concerns that news will be dead and society will never recover by explaining that the worlds way of change is to change things. He discussed at length the difference in media motivated by entertainment interests rather than news interests, calling on all forums to maintain a clear distinction between them and preservation of the “independent free press” as “the red beating heart of democracy.” He pointed the audience toward the problem of finding a business model in this new age that would support investigative, in-depth journalism, expressing that it hasn’t been found yet but is needed for this valuable medium to be maintained. Maybe one of us will listen and start working on that instead of writing a contrived response to his words.

It suffices to say that I was not enamored with Dan over all. His seemingly petty focus on past injustices seemed unnecessary and distracting, and immediately invited observers to call into question any semblance of impartiality he had in describing the stories. Beyond that, the stories lack any personal depth or emotional character that one would hope for from a personal account by a now wiser Rather.

In none of this do I intend to belittle the mans character or value. I cannot understate enough how firmly I believe that Dan Rather has been one of just a few reporting pillars that have entirely changed the status quo in the 20th century. The fact that he’s working into his 70s just shows you the level of commitment that he exhibits. Just don’t make me buy tickets again to listen to him speak.

I made a doodle yesterday as I listened to semi-smart people think they were smarter than they were (completely unrelated). See if you can figure it out before I tell you!

Can you figure it out? How about if I give you another?
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Depth of field isn't even an option

A PHP+GD image generator I created in 2008 was pulled out of the closet and given a [much,much, much] bigger canvas to work with. Pretty fun result. The image is 16,000 pixels squared, about 28MBs in size. It takes about 300MB of RAM for ~30 seconds of processing. The result is quite visually stunning!

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Mission Impossible: make a brand new recipe from leftovers, clean up the prep dishes, set up the photo booth, snap a photo and eat the food within 20 minutes. The dish was pretty simple: leftover vegetarian tacos become Veggie Taco Burgers!

What did I learn? Everyone knows what peas look like (whether they’re blurry or not), focus exclusively on the sandwich. It’s dumb to focus up the middle. Also, plastic wrapped store bread looks like plastic wrapped store bread. Yep. All the time. Lastly, I didn’t go for much style, but the proportions on the plate would be nicer if the tomatoes had more mass and the plate was larger. Failure is good!

I wasn’t born in time to see or meet Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I say, with more than a little irony, that I am very happy of this fact. I’m happy because I never had to live in a world that did not know him and did not learn from him. I never had to live in a world where I doubted the equality of any wo/man.  I never lived in that same world that saw him killed in 1968 by a foolish man who chose to express hatred instead of love.

I came from a very Swedish/Norwegian/German community in Northern Minnesota. Diversity up there is usually shown in the varietals of sauerkraut, but that doesn’t change the fact that I felt deeply about Martin Luther King Jr.’s life  and how he changed the face of this world through the support of fellow civil rights activists. In my recollection of 7-year-old me, the good people of the world were listed chronologically as follows: Jesus, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr. That’s how it went for all the years I was in school, and I’ll never shake that list now.

Every time I look back at his final speech I imagine an impossible conversation. I imagine a dark room where a figure sits with Dr. King hours before his final address (below). The figure tells him in hushed tones what’s about to happen. And I imagine Dr. King saying “Well, thanks for sharing, Friend, but I’ve got to be at the Mason Temple in a few hours. Have a safe trip back to wherever you came from.”

I would give a lot to be able to meet Dr. King today, but I realize he’d be 83 and wouldn’t have much time for me. I hope his family enjoys remembering him on this day as much as I do, and I hope they’re as proud as possible to know that without him our world would be a much emptier place. Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.